Kiss
Puke
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
