Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
