I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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