i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
