cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
