At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
