i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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