Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
