tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
