how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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