I could have mohawked her pubes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
