Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
