hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
