Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So apparently I’m into choking now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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