so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
