Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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