She said her name was "party"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
