Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
