dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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