I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
