Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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