he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
