I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
