i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
