Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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