forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
