That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
