Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
they need to just BURY HIM!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
