I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
