So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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