I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last night I used snow as a chaser
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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