So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would fuck him just for his dog
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
