And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
