Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
