she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
nutella sex= disaster
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
