Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
