can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Never joke about your clitoris.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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