riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
