I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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