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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
