the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
