a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i dont even know how to be here
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
