i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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