i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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