I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
