That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
