let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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