Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
