We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
