i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
