i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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