Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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