i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
